Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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