I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
