I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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