pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
