i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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