i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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