Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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