you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Boobs are out for the taking
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
