I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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