I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's rum buckets o'clock
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