I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
