He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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