just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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