I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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