my phone needs a breathalizer
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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