Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
