Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
