I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
