You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
