I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
