just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
