Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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