It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
