I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
YAS. BRING CRAB.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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