im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
