Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
