3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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