My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
