scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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