Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
