She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
