Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
