Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
