Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
