apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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