i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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