His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm too high and old for this...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
