whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
