The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize