my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
