No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
