the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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