you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize