Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
