I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
her vagine was all disorganized.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
