I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
