Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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