Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if only i could text you this smell
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am one with the molecules
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
