how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
