Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
