Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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