Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
