What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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