One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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