come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
