2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize