so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
